A Way Too Vulnerable Q&A: My Least Healthy Habits, Controversial Botox Thoughts, Spilling Influencer Tea, & More

[00:00:00] LM: Hello friends and welcome to the Liz Moody podcast where every week we are sharing real science, real stories, and realistic tools that actually level up every part of your life. I am your host Liz Moody and I am a bestselling author and long time journalist. Today’s episode is a good old fashioned Q& A, I asked for questions over on Instagram, make sure that you are hanging out over there, I am at Liz Moody.

[00:00:22] And you sent so many juicy ones, so I’m going to try to get to as many today as possible. Let’s start with how to maximize a one hour drive to and from work. Okay, I have advice for this, but I would be remiss to not mention first that there is research that one of the best ways to spend money to increase happiness is to turn your commute into a walking or biking commute.

[00:00:45] So, if there is any possible way to make that commute shorter, research shows that it’s a really good way to spend your money. I know in New York, I moved to an apartment that was more expensive and I had to cut down on a lot of different elements of my [00:01:00] lifestyle to make that happen, but I was able to walk to work.

[00:01:03] from that apartment and it did make me so much happier. I had like a 25 minute walk every single morning. I was getting my circ walk in. I was getting steps in. I would have that break when I was walking home from work to clear my head and to kind of get in a different mindset. So if there is any world where that’s possible, and I say this recognizing that it’s a huge privilege, and of course we’re all not just gonna pick up and move, but it’s interesting research, so I just wanted to give you the knowledge.

[00:01:29] That said, you have an hour commute, What would I do? So I would probably alternate between a few different things. I think that it’s a great time for podcasts and audio books. It’s also a great time to sing. Sometimes we feel like we should be utilizing every single moment of every single day to be productive and to learn things and to.

[00:01:50] I don’t know, use our brains in this way. Singing along to your favorite songs, first of all, it’s really good for your vagus nerve, so it’s gonna help your stress levels, which is something that I think [00:02:00] most of us are struggling with at this point in the world. But also it’s just really fun and it gives your brain a break.

[00:02:06] Speaking of breaks, for one’s brain, I would also experiment with doing some of that time in silence. There is so much research at this point about the health benefits of silence. It’s essentially a break for your brain. This is not meditating or working your brain in this calming, soothing, focused direction.

[00:02:27] It is literally Having as few inputs as possible, and you do have this meditative aspect of you’ll be focusing on the road, your concentration is flowing in one direction. Also, your vision field, stuff’s going to be flowing by you in your vision field, which is going to increase your focus and increase your creativity.

[00:02:44] But not having any other inputs that you don’t absolutely need to have, I think that you could turn that driving time into a little break for your brain. So that’s the third thing that I would do. And the fourth thing that I would do is I would use it as time to catch up with people that you love in your life.

[00:02:59] So many of us. [00:03:00] Don’t live close to our favorite people in the world, just because we all move all the time and keeping those connections strong can be really, really hard. So I would have a standing date if possible, like Monday morning at 9, I call this friend and maybe she’s on her commute and I’m on my commute or she’s going for a walk, but you have a standing date.

[00:03:20] With a few of the people in your life that you want to catch up with so that you can catch up with them and you can use that time to build connection. There’s so much research about how the strength of our relationships impacts our happiness, impacts our longevity, it adds value. Literally years to your life.

[00:03:38] So that’s actually something really, really, really positive that you can be using that time to do for your health and just for how good you’ll feel in that moment. So I would alternate between those four things. Singing, you’re toning your vagus nerve and you’re also just having fun. Moments of pure joy.

[00:03:54] silence as little brain inputs as possible, putting on audio books or podcasts that really tap [00:04:00] into the way that you want to feel in that moment, the places in your life you feel like you could use some expansive perspective on, and then calling people that you want to connect to. Okay, how about this one?

[00:04:13] Do you find that people in the creator space are ingenuine or straight up mean? How do you deal with that? Okay, so, some people, some people, I do find ingenuine or maybe not that kind to me. Although I always try to recognize that when I’m having an interaction with somebody, I’m just seeing this teeny, teeny, tiny snippet of who they are.

[00:04:34] I hate when people do those TikTok roasts where they’re like, this celebrity is so mean. They’re such a bad person. Everybody should know about it. And you’re like, okay, what’s your evidence for that? And they’re like, I served them once at a restaurant and they weren’t very responsive to me. And I’m like, They could have been breaking up with their partner.

[00:04:50] They could have gotten really bad news that day. They could have been depressed or anxious or any number of things. So I really, really try not to judge people based on little [00:05:00] interactions that I have with them. That said, I kind of view the world that I’m in as its own kind of office. And you’re not going to get along with everybody in every office space.

[00:05:10] The last time I worked in a regular job where I went to 5 and I went to a building and worked with a bunch of people. So, I had people there that I was incredibly close to, I made lifelong friends that I still have today. I had people there that I was pretty neutral on, and I had people there that would not have been my favorite to be trapped in an elevator with, and I feel like that’s pretty much the same in the world of podcasting and the world of Instagram.

[00:05:35] I’ve been doing this for a little over four years now, and in that time I have found the people, my colleagues, so to speak. whom I love and adore and I hang out with and we don’t share a single Instagram post about it. And they’re just my people and I love them so much. And it’s really nice because we can talk about this really weird industry that we’re in and I just love them.

[00:05:57] They’re amazing. They’re the people that would have been my besties at a [00:06:00] previous job. And then I have a lot of people that I’ll run into at events. I’ll run into at parties. I’ll do podcasts with and I really like them. I enjoy them. I like talking to them, but they’re not somebody that I would, you know, have out to stay with me in my house or I would do a group trip with.

[00:06:14] And then there’s, I’m thinking about how much I want to say, there’s a small very small handful of people that I’ve met in my time where I’m like, I would not choose to be stuck in an elevator with you. I do think though that there’s a perception that a lot of people are really different than how they come across online in real life, that they’re faking it somehow online.

[00:06:38] And I haven’t found that to be true almost at all. I think the biggest difference is that people are Not able to show their entire personality online. It’s really hard to show a sense of humor. It’s really hard to kind of show that sassy, acerbic wit that a lot of people have. It doesn’t come across well in reels or TikToks or things like that.

[00:06:57] It’s very rarely, oh, this person, [00:07:00] sucks. It’s like you’re getting this teeny tiny sliver of this person’s personality and usually I find that the sliver that is missing is humor and realness and what they look like when they wake up in the morning and worrying about money, worrying about the longevity of this job, worrying about whether people like them, and a mean comment that they haven’t been able to get out of their head.

[00:07:22] Just these really, Real human things that I don’t think are easy to bring to the internet for a number of different reasons. I hope that answers your question. What are you doing to help with your big tongue? I have sleep apnea because of mine and a few other issues, but I want a more holistic solution, and I’m struggling on what practitioner to go see because of it.

[00:07:46] If you have not been following the story of my big tongue, in brief, I got my nose fixed because I was trying to open up my airways. I had a double deviated septum, all these things. I’m just on this quest to be able to breathe through my nose, to be able to [00:08:00] mouth tape, to close my mouth at night, all these different things.

[00:08:02] So I got my nose fixed by this incredible surgeon. I have an entire podcast episode about that. Search Nose Job Liz Moody or I’ll link it in the show notes, and I think it’ll come up. And I would say that getting my nose fixed probably fixed my breathing bye. 80 to 85 percent. I can breathe through my nose if I’m sitting up, I can breathe through my nose if I’m talking to people, which did not used to be the case.

[00:08:25] I would be like in a conference room with my friends who I was at work with, and they’d be like, we can hear you mouth breathing, which is just a horrifically embarrassing thing to have somebody say to you. So it’s, it’s gotten a lot better. However, I still cannot breathe through my nose very well when I’m lying down, especially at night.

[00:08:42] So if I mouth tape, I find myself ripping the mouth tape off after an hour or two of fitfully sleeping. By the way, mouth tape is used first and foremost as a diagnostic tool. If you cannot breathe through your nose, the mouth tape quickly lets you know that, and you should not be using mouth tape. It is not only not [00:09:00] helpful, you’re not getting all the benefits that people talk about with it, but it’s actually dangerous.

[00:09:03] Please, please, please, I know mouth taping is like very cool right now. Don’t do it if you can’t breathe through your nose. So I kept trying to do it. I kept not being able to do it. And I was like, what is wrong? And so I booked an appointment with a functional orthodontist and they did all of these scans and looked at my mouth.

[00:09:19] And essentially my palate is too small for my tongue. So my tongue falls to the back of my mouth and it blocks some of my airway, which makes it harder for me to breathe. And that airway, Connects to your nose and to your mouth, so even your tongue in your mouth blocking your airway can impact your nasal breathing.

[00:09:36] And apparently, that is what’s happening to me. I don’t know if it’s a big floppy tongue, which I’m guilty of saying probably too often, or it’s a narrow palate. So the solution to that is you get a palate expander and then you get Invisalign or some sort of orthodontics to realign your teeth once you’ve widened your palate so that there’s room for your tongue.

[00:09:56] I probably will do this at some point. It is a [00:10:00] very hard thing to do when your job is talking for a living. It would impact how I talk and I just don’t know if I’m ready to do this. multi month undertaking and how that would impact my career in my business. But I’m also really saddened by the fact that there’s this health thing that I want to do, and I’m holding myself back from it because I’m worried how it will impact my career in my business.

[00:10:21] So I’m not sure what I’m doing right now. I’m going to see a myofunctional therapist who can help me do exercises with my tongue and maybe find a happy, middle ground. So I have booked that appointment. I can let you know what happens, but that’s the whole story. If you’re interested in looking into this for yourself, I would just search functional orthodontist in your area or myofunctional therapist in your area and hopefully something will come up.

[00:10:48] Okay. Whose podcast would you love to be a guest on? I have two big ones, armchair expert, and we can do hard things. Two absolute dream podcasts if [00:11:00] anybody out there is listening and knows anybody at either of those podcasts and wants to introduce me I would be forever grateful How do you keep it up all of the time?

[00:11:10] You always seem so able to get back to good habits or always staying on a healthy track Do you ever just fall off the deep end like not exercising or eating fast food or whatever? It may be the answer is complicated Exercising, no. Now that I’ve gotten into a consistent workout routine, I really don’t want to not be in one because it has such immediate benefits for my mental health.

[00:11:31] Like I notice it that day, if I haven’t been able to move my body as much, I have more anxiety. I can’t sleep as well. So I’m really, really motivated. to keep exercising just because I feel the effects of it so immediately. Fast food is kind of the same. I used to eat more fast food when I lived in New York and then I feel like once I stopped it started just making me feel really bad when I did eat it.

[00:11:56] I ate it kind of recently. I was driving back from Sequoia National Park [00:12:00] with my sister and it was one of those situations where we were like in the middle of nowhere and it was the only option so we got Taco Bell and I got a Mexican pizza which I used to absolutely love and I ate it and it didn’t even taste that good and it made me feel so crappy like immediate lethargic feelings and a stomach ache and I just really did not like how it made me feel.

[00:12:22] So I was like, why would I? eat this thing that doesn’t make me feel good. That said, I’m not perfect at every single thing. Just the things that I mess up on, or I skip, or I do that might not be considered perfectly healthy are things that feel rewarding at least to me. in the moment, if that makes sense.

[00:12:42] So the thing I’m probably most guilty of is scrolling on my phone. I did a whole episode about how I have had to work the five things that I did that helped the most to stop scrolling as much and that came out of necessity because my screen time was crazy. Sometimes I would spend an entire day on the couch scrolling [00:13:00] and I would have this narrative of, oh my gosh you work so hard, you deserve a break, you need this, and then at the end of the day I would just feel like garbage.

[00:13:07] Like I would feel weird mentally, I would feel weird physically. Which, now that I’m saying it out loud, probably should have made me not do it. Eating the fast food made me feel bad, so I don’t do it. And not exercising makes me feel bad, so I do exercise. But, I don’t know, it’s so addictive. It has such a hold on me.

[00:13:23] What else do I do? I will eat sweets a lot. I’m a real sweet tooth person. And not like, healthy bliss balls or whatever. No, like a cookie. I love a crumble cookie. That type of thing. I do feel not great afterward, but. Also, it just lights up my, my brain and I love it so much. I also do relationship stuff that isn’t great.

[00:13:46] I retreat when I should be reaching out to people, when I’m stressed or overwhelmed instead of connecting with other people, which we talk about on this podcast all the time, is so important and helps so much. We’ve talked about it in this episode. [00:14:00] I’m like, no, I don’t want to be around anybody. I ignore my text messages, even as I know that that’s, Not great for my brain.

[00:14:06] Meditation is one that I go in and out of. I know it’s so so good for me and I feel so good when I do it, but it’s just hard for me to stick to. I’m actually doing a meditation retreat very soon, and I’m hoping that will get me back into the habit of meditating more. But that’s something that I kind of like go in and out of even though I know it’s good for me.

[00:14:26] Morning routines. I have the hardest time sticking to a morning routine. I can get my circ walk in usually, but that is often after I’ve just laid in bed for far longer than I should. I often wake up groggy. I am not a morning person, so it’s really hard for me to just jump out of bed and take on my day.

[00:14:46] So I will often languish in bed for far longer than actually feels good. And I, okay. always have this idea that if I could nail a really good morning routine, then my whole life would change. So those are the things that I kind [00:15:00] of berate myself for, but I do feel the urge to say that you are not meant to do every single thing all of the time.

[00:15:07] I have a hundred tips in my book. I probably have a million tips on this podcast, and I view them more as this like, encyclopedia of knowledge and you have it on your shelf and then when you have something that you want to address, when you run into a challenge, when you have a problem or you just want to feel a different way, you know what information is in that encyclopedia and you can pull that book off You can reference it.

[00:15:31] And then you can use that tool to change your life.

[00:15:41] different people have different needs, First of all, somebody out there listening is going to be struggling with gut health issues, and those episodes are going to really speak to them, and they’re probably going to be implementing more things from those episodes. Another person might be suffering.

[00:15:54] single and dating and really focusing on finding the love of their life and falling in love with their life, even if they [00:16:00] don’t find the love of their life. So the dating episodes might be more applicable to that person. So first of all, we’re all different. Our needs are all different. And of course we need to prioritize different things at different times.

[00:16:11] because we do not have unlimited time. And I want to linger on that for a little second because that is something I have been learning the hard way. I’m like, Oh, I want to do this and it’s good for me. So I should jam it right in. And then you end up with all of these things in your schedule, you end up stressed.

[00:16:27] I had Dr. Alyssa Eppel on the podcast and I asked her, what is the lowest hanging fruit we could all be doing to eliminate stress in our lives? And she said, stop rushing. Rushing that we put on ourselves that is not necessary, that is not for any reason, that like, oh, I have 10 minutes to be somewhere, so I’ll spend five minutes cramming in this extra thing, and then I’ll be rushing there and so stressed out that I’m late.

[00:16:50] That is such a source of stress in my life and I think so many other people’s. And so if we can cramming everything in and start prioritizing and saying, [00:17:00] okay, maybe I want to do all of these things, but what do I actually realistically have time to do? I think that will be a game changer for so many of us.

[00:17:08] And it’s something that I am. hugely working on in my business and in my life. So first of all, we all have bio individuality, we all have different needs, and we’re going to need different things at different times. So sometimes I’m going to be better at doing certain habits and routines and tools that I have shared, because that’s what I need at that moment.

[00:17:30] And sometimes I’m going to be focusing on other things in my life. So different people need different things, but the same person also just needs different things at different times in their life. And I think it’s so important to acknowledge that because otherwise we can just get really overwhelmed and be like, Oh my God, wait, am I supposed to be doing 500 different things every day?

[00:17:47] And then we’re running around and we’re not prioritizing and we’re getting more and more stress, which is not the point. I am curious how old you were when you started Botox slash facial treatments and what factors led to that decision. How has Botox and [00:18:00] other facial treatments impacted your life, self image, and how others treat you, positive and or negative?

[00:18:05] What treatments have had the most positive impact and why? Okay, I think I got Botox for the first time in 2022, I think, maybe late 2021. The first person I ever got it with was Dr. Samantha Ellis, who is my dermatologist to this day. She’s also completely blown up since I first started seeing her. We have a podcast episode with her if you scroll Way way back, but she has her own skincare line now called prequel The cleanser is absolutely amazing and it’s just been such a joy to get to watch her journey But I remember going into her office to get the Botox and I was so scared I was like, am I gonna die?

[00:18:43] Am I gonna go blind? Have you ever had a patient who went blind? Have you ever had a patient who died? I do think if you’re gonna get Botox getting it from a doctor who If something does happen, can help with any of that versus at like a med spa or [00:19:00] something like that is a good idea. It at least gave me peace of mind.

[00:19:04] She was like, if anything catastrophic happens, I’m right here to help. But also she has never had anything catastrophic happen. So finding a practitioner who has a very, very, very good track record is incredibly important. As far as all of the other questions, I have a very complicated relationship with Botox and with other things that we do for beauty, which includes wearing makeup, getting our hair dyed, getting hair extensions, getting plastic surgery, getting filler.

[00:19:35] There’s this huge spectrum of beauty things and certain things more or less people in our society are like, That’s okay to do, and that’s not okay to do. And I feel two ways about it. I feel like it’s really, really complicated. Do I feel like we should have to do all of these things to perform beauty for other people?

[00:19:58] Absolutely not. [00:20:00] Do I feel like it’s a huge waste of time? The amount of time that we spend grooming ourselves? A hundred percent. I have a girlfriend and she went to Hawaii recently and she didn’t wear any makeup for four days. She didn’t do her hair for four days. And she’s like, I felt like I literally had so much time back in my life.

[00:20:20] And I was like, that is how men feel. all of the time and it infuriated me. And we spend all of this money on it and I can’t help but wonder what we could get done if we were not spending so much time having to perform beauty because that is the societal standard. I also think that we’ve been sold a lie that beauty is a form of I feel like there are other far more affordable, far more internally focused types of self care, but people who wanted to sell us things were like, ah, if we like make them think that doing this 11 step skincare [00:21:00] routine is self care, then they’ll buy all of our products.

[00:21:02] And at the same time, we live in a society that judges us for our looks. When I do not wear makeup, people ask me if I am tired, if I am sick, if I show up to a podcast without my hair done, without my makeup done at all, I feel like I’m not being a professional. I feel like I’m not performing professionalism.

[00:21:26] And I know that we’re like, be the change that you want to see in the world, but I also think that it’s a lot to put on women to ask us to lead that change while also living in a society every single day that is judging us for not conforming to the societal standards that exist in the present moment.

[00:21:47] If I’m being a very honest with you, I also have a hard time with the part of my job that is seeing my face every single day on camera, seeing it from all different angles, and [00:22:00] judging myself and comparing myself to other people that I see online. And I almost feel shame about this as I say it because I know I preach self love, I know I preach self acceptance, I know I preach that our bodies are for living not looking, and I truly believe in all of these things from the bottom of my heart, and I would be lying if And if I didn’t say that I judge myself and that I have a hard time being exposed to so much video and images of myself, which certainly has contributed in my decision to get Botox, to get hair extensions, to do my makeup, things like that.

[00:22:41] When I did Hoffman, I didn’t wear makeup for the entire week. That’s the mental health retreat that I went on. I have an entire episode about it. And letting. People fall in love with me and falling in love with other people because that’s really a big part of the process. You become this incredibly beautiful community of 30 [00:23:00] people over that week, but letting that all happen without having makeup on made me feel so much more seen and so much more loved for being the person that I actually feel like I am.

[00:23:15] Which, maybe I should take something from that and show up on camera without makeup and and stop doing Botox and all that kind of stuff. And honestly, I wish I were brave enough to do that, but I’m, I’m not right now. I will also say there’s a part of my mind that makes the argument that if I’m not worried about being perceived a certain way or Looking a certain way, if I kind of check that box, and I get my Botox, and I have my hair done, and all that, then I’m better able to show up and focus on my message.

[00:23:45] Because we live in a society that is perceiving us, so if I can get past that barrier, my message will be taken more seriously. And there’s actually really frustrating research about that, about pretty privilege, and about whose messages are allowed to be heard [00:24:00] on a societal level. So there’s part of me that’s like, if you want your words to be heard, which is the thing that is the most important to me, if you want your thoughts to be heard, you need to perform this ritual of beauty that’s The barrier of entry, which again, I hate, but I don’t know.

[00:24:16] So I’m very conflicted about it. I get Botox. I love my dermatologist, Dr. Samantha Ellis. I also do lasers with her. Fraxel has been 100 percent the laser that has made the biggest difference in my skin. It helped a lot with sunspots. I grew up in Arizona and I did not wear sunscreen for most of my early life.

[00:24:37] And I definitely got the sunburns that have the blisters that raise your risk of cancer. But it helps with that. And it also actually helps with getting rid of precancerous cells. So it has a functional benefit as well as the aesthetic benefit. And I really like that too. I hope that answers your question.

[00:24:52] It’s clearly a very complicated question. circuit of thoughts in my mind. Okay, I am emerging from a time of [00:25:00] work and my mental health overwhelming me, during which I did not invest a lot of effort in my friendships. I’m now feeling the distance and I feel bad I was not as good of a friend over the past several months.

[00:25:09] Any advice for trying to build back these ties? What should I say? I would just be honest and say exactly that. There are rarely moments where each friend in a friendship is able to give the exact same thing. Friendships naturally ebb and flow as different things take priority in our lives. As one friend gets into a relationship and disappears for a little bit, as one friend has a baby, as one friend is going through mental health stuff.

[00:25:34] And I think that the friendships that are going to be the strongest over the years are friendships that acknowledge that you’re going to have these ups and downs and these natural waves in a friendship and that’s completely normal. And completely expected and if you can be honest and you can be vulnerable and you can say, Hey, I wasn’t showing up in the last few months in the way that I wanted to, I know as a friend, I would [00:26:00] receive that so, so well.

[00:26:02] Every single time in one of my friendships that I’ve had a conversation, I was nervous to have that felt really scary and really difficult. I remember one time I had a conversation with one of my friends and I felt like when I would open up to her about things that I was struggling with, I felt like she’s being a little bit dismissive of me.

[00:26:21] And I was so nervous to tell her this. And then I finally did. And she was, So open and so receptive and she’s like, gosh, I didn’t even realize it consciously, but I was doing that and our friendship got so much better as a result of that conversation. I think the deepest, most exciting, most intimate relationships are often just on the other side of an uncomfortable conversation, and we never let ourselves get to that rich, beautiful place just because we’re afraid of having that conversation.

[00:26:51] So this is a really great conversation to wade into the waters of vulnerability with. Hey, I’m sorry I didn’t show up in the way [00:27:00] that I wanted to in the last few months, and here’s why. It’s not an excuse, but it’s a reason, and here’s what I intend to do differently in the future. Okay, that is unfortunately, I think all we have time to get to today.

[00:27:12] We will definitely be doing another Q& A episode next month. We’ll be doing mini solo episodes every single Monday, so you can tune in on Mondays for that. And then on Wednesdays, we always have our long form expert interviews. So I hope you love those as well. And I hope you love this episode and found it helpful.

[00:27:29] That is all for this episode of the Liz Moody podcast. If you are new to the podcast, welcome. I am so glad that you’re here. Make sure that you are following the podcast on whatever platform that you like to listen on. I know that 50 percent of you listening to this episode do not follow the podcast.

[00:27:45] What is up with that? You’re making your life harder by not following. Not only is it the best way to support the podcast, but it also makes sure that episodes show up right in your feed. You don’t have to search for them anywhere. And trust me, you [00:28:00] do not want to miss what we have coming up soon. I will be delivering some incredible science, interviews, and advice every single Monday and every single Wednesday for you.

[00:28:10] Okay, I love you, and I will see you for the next episode of the Liz Moody Podcast. If you love this type of Q& A format, you will love last month’s Q& A, where I dove into health trends that I think are BS. Advice I would give my 20 something self, love languages, and so much more. I will link the episode in the show notes so you can queue it up next.

[00:28:30] Oh, just one more thing. It’s the legal language. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, a psychotherapist, or any other qualified professional.