Birthday Ep! The Top 5 Changes I’m Making Based on Everything I’ve Learned This Year

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[00:00:00] Hello, friends, and welcome to the Liz Moody podcast, where every week we’re sharing real science, real stories, and realistic tools that actually level up every part of your life. I’m your host, Liz Moody, and I’m a bestselling author and longtime journalist. Let’s dive in. One super quick note, I know that 50 percent of you listening to this episode do not follow the podcast.

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[00:00:41] All right, let’s get right into the episode. It’s my birthday week or my birthday month or my birthday season. I am a Leo. We Leos love our birthdays, but over on Instagram, I always share X lessons that I’ve learned in X years. So this year is 38, which is bananas. So you can [00:01:00] head over to Instagram for the 38 lessons that I’ve learned in the last 38 years.

[00:01:04] And then I thought that here on the podcast, it would be fun to share the changes that I’m planning on making this year. Based on those lessons and just who I hope to be and what I want my life to feel like this year as I enter 38 years old, which just feels so insane to say. I don’t know what I expected 38 to feel like, but it’s not this.

[00:01:27] Like, In my mind, I cannot comprehend the fact that I’m 38 years old. Okay, let’s dive in. Number one, this is my year of embracing my life as it is. I have done a lot of waiting, like, When I make this much money, I will finally have the life that I want. When I reach this level of success or I can buy this house or whatever, I am waiting for these external things to allow myself to feel like I’ve [00:02:00] made it, like I can give myself access to the life that I want, to feeling the way that I want to feel every single day.

[00:02:06] But this, this right now, this is my life. I am missing it. So this year, my focus is going to be identifying the things that are in my control and the things that are out of my control, and then really shifting my focus to be on the things that are in my control. So an example of that, I do not have the money to buy my dream house right now.

[00:02:29] And I have had this narrative that when I get that house, I will set up all of these beautiful routines. Like I can picture my life. in that house. I can picture how all of those routines make me feel. I can picture my mornings and my evenings and just feeling like calm and expansive and peaceful. But why am I postponing the way that those routines make me feel?

[00:02:52] Like I can do a morning routine here in this house. So I have started, and this is very new, hence This is [00:03:00] a goal for my 38th year, but I’ve started doing my dream morning routine, which I can do a whole other episode on if you want, let me know. And it feels so good. So we’ve got the routines. We’ve got this like, why am I waiting?

[00:03:16] for this outside thing to give me permission to do the things that I want to do. But on top of that, I have realized that I can make this house feel as lovely as possible. And I’ve been not doing that either because I’ve been like, well, this isn’t my dream house. Like, what’s the point? But I was like, I can make this far more of my dream house.

[00:03:35] So Zach and I went to the plant store and we got plants for our bedroom, which has looked really bare and sad since we moved in. And now the energy in there is so much better. I walk in and I feel some of that peace and expansiveness that I have been looking for, that I thought I had to wait for a whole nother house to feel.

[00:03:57] I got some throw pillows for my couch and I [00:04:00] got this. Gorgeous, raw terracotta pot for the tree in my living room, which I’m obsessed with. I love my tree. I love my tree so much. She is beautiful. And these are the things that are in my control. The, can I afford this dream house? Not in my control. I can work really hard, obviously, and we have so many episodes about financial health.

[00:04:19] But at the end of the day, I can’t just go. create enough money to get my dream home. But I can take care of the things that are in my control and they actually make a really huge difference. They make me feel so much better every day and they certainly make me feel better than sitting around and focusing on the things that I don’t have.

[00:04:44] So while we are at it, I really want to start focusing on appreciating the things that I do have instead of just dreaming about the things that I don’t have. I was laying on the couch with Zach and Bella the other day and I thought, this is it, [00:05:00] like, This is my life, and it’s beautiful, and it’s magical, and it’s so special that I have found this cat and this person that I get to live out my days with, and it feels unfair to the life that I’ve built to have built such a beautiful thing and still be spending so much time with.

[00:05:21] Focusing on the things that I don’t have and not noticing these really beautiful, special things that I do have. So I really, really want to make an effort every single day to be more appreciative of the things that I have to not focus so much on the things that I don’t have. We learned this thing at the Hoffman process, which I know you’ve all heard about so much.

[00:05:43] I feel like I don’t shut up about it, but it was incredibly helpful. It was the week long therapy retreat that I went to. I have an entire episode about it that I can link in the show notes, but it’s essentially this paradigm shift. So Many of us tend to go through life, and I know that I was incredibly guilty of this, thinking that we have to have so that [00:06:00] we can do so that we can be.

[00:06:02] So in practice, that would look like, if I have money, then I will do more health habits, and eventually I will Be happy. And at the Hoffman process, they were like, what if we flip that? What if we flip that? So we had the be, go first. If I can be happy, then I’ll probably do more health habits and then that will probably result in me having more money.

[00:06:27] So just switching those around and not again, waiting for the have to do or to be. So I am trying in this, my 38th year of life, to focus on the be and the do first, and then less on the have, and less letting this idea of having something get in the way of what I get to be and do. I get to be happy. I get to feel the way that I want to feel, and I’m going to stop in this year [00:07:00] of my life giving external things the power.

[00:07:03] to make me feel the way that I want to feel. So with that in mind, number two, this year I want to do at least one thing every single day that makes me really happy. I have been very productivity focused in my life. And that’s great. That’s wonderful. And it’s honestly been a big part of what’s gotten me to where I am.

[00:07:27] But there’s actually research out of Oxford and MIT that we are more productive when we are happy. And just to zoom out on that a little bit, my goal isn’t just productivity. I. want to live a fulfilling life. I want to live a satisfying life. But I also realized that I’ve been getting in my own way by working to the point of burnout.

[00:07:49] Even if I am really passionate and excited about what I’m doing, I honestly think sometimes in this society, we use that as an excuse to work way too [00:08:00] hard or a reason to push ourselves way too hard. So this year, I’m going to make a list of things that are both bad and good. Big and little that make me happy.

[00:08:09] And I’m going to commit to actually doing one every single day. And I’m going to prioritize my happiness in the same way that I prioritize my health and the same way that I prioritize my job. And these don’t have to be big things. This is why I want it on a list so I can just have this menu that I go to and I can choose.

[00:08:28] Things that make me happy. And I don’t have to have that decision fatigue moment of like, Oh, I want something that’ll make me happy, but now I have to think about it. And then I have to decide what I’m going to do. I’m just going to have this menu that I can consult. And some stuff that I’ve thought of already is like taking a little walk to go get a matcha.

[00:08:43] Calling a friend, taking 15 minutes to read a book that I really love in the middle of the day. It’s 15 minutes, but reading in the middle of the day feels so decadent and it makes me really happy. So that’s gonna be my commitment to myself to [00:09:00] prioritize one thing every single day that makes me happy and to really Notice that thing and to let my mind linger on that thing, per the Dr.

[00:09:09] Rick Hansen episode, we can actually rewire our neural pathways by noticing the beauty in our lives and then lingering on that beauty so that we’re essentially cementing in that neural pathway, which makes our brain more likely to take that pathway in the future. So, That little moment, that matcha you’re getting, that phone call with a friend, if you really allow yourself to soak in that feeling, ugh, it feels so good to go take a walk in the sunshine and get this matcha, to talk to my friend right now, if you really soak in that feeling and you linger on it, you’re rewiring your neural pathway and you’re more likely to feel happy in the future.

[00:09:45] So that’s one of the big changes that I’m going to make this year. Number three, set real limits for social media. This is a big one. It’s probably one of my biggest struggles and it’s probably the way that I get in the way of my own happiness [00:10:00] the most. A few examples of that, a few changes I’m going to try to make this year.

[00:10:04] One, no phone in bed. I say this to you so much. I say this on the podcast. I say this when other people interview me. But, and yet, I give myself this as a little treat. And a huge thing that I’ve realized in general is that I use little treats that make me feel worse as reward. So I will numb myself with food or I will let myself scroll social media in bed at the end of a long day.

[00:10:35] But those things that I’m giving myself as rewards make me feel worse. And this is the really insidious part. They also add to the idea that I should work harder than is good for me so that I can get these little treats as rewards at the end of the day. So I will work myself to the point of burnout and then I’ll be like, well, it’s okay.

[00:10:57] You deserve a day where you just rot and scroll and then [00:11:00] I’ll rot and scroll all day and I’ll feel. And I’ll feel. Awful, I’ll feel really, really bad. And it’s like, why am I quote unquote rewarding myself with things that are making me feel worse? And social media in bed is a huge one for me. If I’ve had a long day, I will be like, you don’t need to read.

[00:11:15] Even though I love reading, why do I do this to myself? Be like, you don’t need to read. You can just scroll in bed. And then I will sleep. sleep worse. We talked about this on the Nicole Vignola episode. Even if you feel like you’re sleeping after you’ve been on your phone, like a few inches from your face as you’re falling asleep, your sleep quality is actually worse.

[00:11:30] So you will feel less rested in the morning. So I’ll sleep worse and I just don’t feel as good when I’m on it. So no social media in bed at the beginning of the day. So important for dopamine. We also talk about that in the Nicole Vignola episode and No social media in bed at the end of the day. It’s just gonna be like absolutely no, no social media in bed.

[00:11:51] I should probably do a whole episode about how I am getting my relationship with social media and my phone under control because I have a lot [00:12:00] more to say about that. So let me know if you would like that. Okay, number four, walk more. I have finally gotten my workout routine dialed in which has made a huge difference.

[00:12:10] The number one change that I’ve made is I’ve started to employ Commitment devices, which is something I talk about in my book. I don’t know why this took so long to sink in for me. It’s a concept from Dr. Katie Milkman. It’s essentially about how, if you want to stick to a habit, that’s hard for you to stick to make commitment devices.

[00:12:28] So this can be either making a plan with a friend or betting money with a friend, and then you don’t want to disappoint that friend. You don’t want to lose that money for me, for workouts, it’s class pass. So I book classes every single morning ahead of time. And I do not like to waste money. So if I have booked a class and I have to pay for it, no matter what, I will go to it.

[00:12:48] And then that serves two purposes. One, I’m getting in my workouts and two, I am getting up in the morning, which is really hard for me. But the thing that I am bad at is movement [00:13:00] throughout the day, ozempic and metabolic health episode. It is more important than our bigger workouts, which is actually something that Say something similar to in my book as well.

[00:13:14] I should reread my book, apparently. Good advice in there. So I want to start being better at not letting the day get away from me and incorporating more of that movement throughout the day into my life. The once an hour, once a half an hour, the movement that’s so important for our metabolic health, for our hormones, for our energy, for not, staying stagnant all day.

[00:13:39] So I want to do more quick walks around the block. I actually ordered a rebounder, but I haven’t set it up yet. That’s that like mini trampoline and it’s supposed to be amazing for your lymphatic system and your heart and your blood flow. So I want to get that set up so that I can bounce for a few minutes every hour or so, and just [00:14:00] prioritizing walking and movement throughout the day in addition to my workout routines, which I am, to be fair, very, very, very proud of myself for, I feel like I’ve wanted an amazing.

[00:14:11] workout routine that makes me feel really good that I can stick to forever. And I finally got that this year, literally this year in my life, my 37th year of life. So I do want to give myself kudos for that. Give myself a little bit of applause because that is something that I’m very, very proud of. Five.

[00:14:30] Speaking of that, I’m segwaying for myself really nicely here. Try to stop obsessing over things that don’t matter and talk to myself life. Kinder. I beat myself up for questions that I wish I’d asked podcast guests or small mistakes in any of my social media posts or just these little things that, first of all, nobody is probably noticing.

[00:14:53] And second, Do not matter at all, like no one is deciding whether or not [00:15:00] to listen to a podcast episode of mine based on me asking one more question. I literally said on a recent social media post, I said, watch dinner in front of the TV. You do not watch your dinner. And I said that on a post and it got 2 million views.

[00:15:16] So not everything needs to be so. It just does not matter that much. So I am going to try to talk to myself like I would talk to my sister or I would talk to a good friend. I would not be like, Oh my God, you are so dumb. How did you forget to ask that question? But I would rather be like Katie. You are doing your best and you are managing a lot and I am sure that it’s a great interview.

[00:15:46] You tried your best. You did everything that you could and you’re great at this. And I’m going to try to live a little bit more lightly. Again, it just does not need to be that serious. My [00:16:00] job is not brain surgery. Also this goes with a lot of the other changes that I’ve mentioned. I feel like there’s a theme emerging.

[00:16:09] But I also want to start leaning into the part of my job that’s fun. I burnt out on social media a little bit ago. I was really resenting how it was this really huge, really necessary part of my job. And then I was like, I have to create content. That is an important part of my job. But I control the content that I create.

[00:16:31] To my earlier point, what is in my control and what is out of my control? And so I started doing these skits and More fun content that still communicated all of the science backed information that I wanted to share But it was so much more fun for me to shoot. It tapped into this creative energy that my content had been missing for so long and it completely Reignited my love for that part of my [00:17:00] job.

[00:17:00] This is a tip, by the way, that I would give anybody in If you cannot change the base thing, you cannot change your job, your house, any of those types of things, what are the ways that you can change little things within that thing? This is called job crafting. We talk about it in the Simone Stolzoff episode, which I will link in the show notes.

[00:17:20] But I think that it applies to all parts of our lives. This goes back to the throw pillows and the plants, what is within my control, how can I make this house, this house is not my dream house, but how can I make this house into a space that feels really, really good for me? I can get new linens. I can rearrange my furniture.

[00:17:43] If you’re at a job and you don’t like what you’re doing every single day, could you ask your boss if somebody else could do the PowerPoint presentations, but maybe you can take on the spreadsheets. And for me, finding a way to do social media that feels joyful and fun and true to [00:18:00] my purpose, that was me crafting the job that I had into more of the job that I wanted.

[00:18:06] Just to go back briefly to the idea of being kinder to myself, we are subject on a daily basis to thousands of messages. in our own brain. So these messages can either be you’re lazy. Why did you forget that thing? Why can’t you be better? You’re ugly. You don’t deserve this. Everybody else is better than you.

[00:18:24] Or they can be you tried your best. You’re kind. You have incredible qualities. You’re a great friend. You’re All of these things. And of course we cannot choose at every single moment what our thoughts are, because we have been subject for years and years and years to all of these external messages from people who want to make money off of us, from people who do not have our best interests at heart.

[00:18:45] At heart, but the more that we can catch those messages in the moment, the more that we can catch them and switch them to the types of thoughts that we want to be thinking, the more that we are literally rewiring our brains. It’s the same process that I shared [00:19:00] earlier from Dr. Rick Hansen. We are literally rewiring our brains in those moments so that our brain is more likely to think kinder thoughts about ourselves in the future.

[00:19:10] So that is my commitment to myself this year. I’m going to try to catch as many of those negative thoughts, those unhelpful thoughts as I possibly can, and switch them to the types of thoughts that I want to be thinking about myself, because this is my body. This is my brain. This is my life. And I owe it to myself to start appreciating all of those things because this is what I’m living.

[00:19:36] So those are five of the changes that I’m going to be making this year. I’m honestly really excited about them. I feel like this is going to be a great year. I have a great feeling about it. And if you want to read the 38 lessons that I have learned in the last 38 years, that is a notes post on my Instagram.

[00:19:51] I always have a ton of fun with those. So you can go and check that out at Liz Moody. And if any of these resonate with you, let me know if you want to do them with me. I’d love [00:20:00] to have you on board and thank you so much for listening. That’s all for this episode of the Liz Moody podcast. If you love this episode, one of the best ways that you can support the pod is by sending a link to your friends, your family, your partner, your coworkers, you name it.

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[00:20:50] Okay. I love you and I’ll see you on the next episode of the Liz Moody podcast. Oh, just one more thing. It’s the legal [00:21:00] language. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, a psychotherapist, or any other qualified professional.